i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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