Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
