remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
