we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
