Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
