shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
