just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
