First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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