Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
