my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
