I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
