i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
