I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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