Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize