Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she told me i tasted like america
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
