Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
