3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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