He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
