Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
