i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
