I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
