i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
