he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
