I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
