I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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