somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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