so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
