if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
