So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
