Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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