I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
