6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
