i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
