Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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