First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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