Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
