couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
