I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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