so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
