How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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