come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
