you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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