there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
