More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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