peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
