im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
