don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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