i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
