I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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