So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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