I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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