It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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