I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
