I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
