she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
