I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
