I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
