i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
