i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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