i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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