i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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