your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
