I think my fart just growled at me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
