You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
