Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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