All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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