nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize