I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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