Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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