Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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