Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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