the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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