Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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