i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
